this is Ellie Taylor

Topless Selfies and Chinese Takeaways

April 3rd 2016

Last night I came across the Kim Kardashian Instagram post from earlier in the week. It was KimK and Emily Ratajkowski (her of Blurred Lines video controversy fame) posing topless in a bathroom with black boxes hiding their nips, both flicking the bird. Emily posted the photo  (I feel like I can call her Emily…

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A guide to becoming an #internetsensation

February 9th 2016

Last week I posted a silly collage containing five silly photos of me being silly. The reasons behind my actions were extremely politically nuanced aka I was meant to be writing a new hour of stand-up so was avoiding doing work by fannying. The photos were me doing an alternative to the ‘motherhood challenge’ pics…

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Merry New Yearrrrr

January 5th 2016

I can’t believe we’ve hit 2016. It sounds like the future. It should be a time full of drone dogs and robot dogs and other dog-based inventions and also toilet seats that put themselves down after men do whizzs’. I’ve spent my New Year in Australia, home of melanoma and Nicole Kidman’s old face. My…

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Things I have learnt while training for a marathon

April 6th 2015

This time in three weeks I will be hunched up in a bath full of ice yelling things like “Where is my peanut butter pie-fritter-doughnut? I ran a MARATHON yesterday – I NEED ALL THE FATS! Start the intravenous avocado drip immediately” Cos yes. I have agreed to run the Virgin London Marathon for a…

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Edinburgh Festival August 2014

July 29th 2014

Oh hi babeszszz! I am on the train to Edinburgh for the fringe festival! I’m two hours in and I’ve had two double gins whilst watching a film with Ronan Keating in, so needless to say I’m very content. I’ve also had a piece of very dry chicken, some crisps and two wees, so all…

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Edinburgh previews and stuff

July 1st 2014

Woah! She’s writing another blog entry so soon! ‘Slow down you speed monster, Taylor! The last blog you wrote was only six months ago! Leave the keyboard alone before you get finger burns from the sheer velocity at which you produce prose etc!’ LEAVE ME ALONE. I’ve been very busy growing out some layers and…

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Happy New Year!

January 13th 2014

I’ve just gotten back from a Christmas break in Vietnam. It was brilliant. The spring rolls, I mean the people were so tasty, I mean welcoming. I warmed to the spring rolls, I mean the country as soon as I found out that the currency is the Vietnamese Dong. Telling your boyfriend that he ‘better…

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Things that have got on my t*ts this week

October 20th 2013

1)      Pulled pork. Why ‘pulled’? Why not just pork? Pulled from where exactly? The bone? A bin? A bar? Is it slaggy pork? The kind that needs to ring it’s mum and tell her it won’t be home tonight? What has happened to all the regular pork? The one with morals and without unnecessary verbs…

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Name Change

July 1st 2013

This year I have been to six weddings. If had been to Nandos that many times I would have at least got a free half chicken out of it. I have loved every single wedding I’ve been too. All have been personal and different, and perfect for the couple involved. They have been epic days…

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Summer

April 9th 2013

Summer is approaching. All over the country people are doing the annual wardrobe switcheroo, bidding farewell to baggy thermals and offering a sexy hello to all things with zero wool content. As we speak, British meteorologists sit muzzled in dark corners, frothing at the mouth desperate to be the first one to bark out the…

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NTAs

January 24th 2013

So I went to The National Television Awards last night. Sure it was the first red carpet thing I’ve ever done but it turns out I was amazing at it. Here’s a few nuggets of advice on how you too can be as amazing as me: As we all know at events like this, your…

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Australia

January 14th 2013

Much to my disgust, I am back from my wonderful month long holiday to Australia. I am gutted. Don’t get me wrong, the UK has some things going for it, like pork pies and Stephen Fry, but I would chop both of those in a heartbeat if it meant we could get our hands on…

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First Class

October 25th 2012

If I had a pound for every time someone’s said “Hurry up and write a blog describing your experience when you recently flew in First Class!”, I’d literally have no pounds. But I would have an Anya Hindmarch toiletry bag that I stole from First Class. Did I mention I flew First Class? But I’m…

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My Summer

September 6th 2012

What a summer! I survived my first ever Edinburgh comedy festival which is no mean feat considering it’s normal up there to say things like ‘This is my fifteenth gig of the day, only two more to go’ and ‘I had an early one last night, was home by 4’. The festival was brilliant and…

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Restaurant Amnesia

May 19th 2012

I went for dinner at a restaurant last night, something I have done countless times. I am fully aware of the process involved; I choose from the menu, I tell the waiter my choice, the waiter brings it to me, I eat it. This procedure has always, and will always be the same. So why…

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