Hands Free Wee

Over the last week, two of my friends have sent me Facebook messages saying that they have accidentally dropped their phones into toilets and need my phone number again.

Now, I think that begs the question, why are so many people conducting phone-based activities on the toilet? Are we, as a society, that short of time that the only possible window of opportunity to text your mum or take photos on Fat Booth comes whilst toileting? (I like creating new verbs.)

Or is it just clinginess where by we can’t be without our phones for one-three minutes (any longer, see a medical profesh) in case that hottie from The Walkabout rings?

If that is indeed the case, just relax… he isn’t going to ring when you’re in the loo, you big mental…. because in most cases, he isn’t going to ring AT ALL. Tough love. (Hands up who just watched ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’? Yeh, that’s right, I have a DVD player)

I think it’s all unnecessary. There is no need for all these tragic and slightly gross phone drownings. I have never for instance, taken a sandwich into the bathroom and for that reason, have never once lost a sandwich to the u-bend.

The only thing that should go into a toilet cubicle with you is a bladder/colon at maximum capacity. And perhaps a copy of the Reader’s Digest if you need some company. And maybe a nice young man if you are George Michael. Or a nice young lady if you are Boris Becker. (Or was that a cupboard?) Or maybe a security guard if you are in the vicinity of Cheryl Cole.

And with those achingly topical references, I shall leave you… *inserts Bluetooth earpiece and wanders towards the WC*