We’ve all read the Samantha Brick article by now. The one where the Daily Mail writer explains how life is terrible for her because she is bone crushingly reallyreallygoodlooking and has therefore suffered awfully throughout her beautiful yet tragic existence. I believe as things stand, total reads of the offending article online have hit over twentyseventyfiftytwomillion. Approx.

Some people say that we shouldn’t fan the flames of this whole debacle, because it’s obviously just one of the below:
1) A ploy by the Mail to drive up the price of their online ad space.
2) A deliberately provocative piece written by a journo who fancies being interviewed by Schofe on This Morning.
3) The work of a genetic hybrid created in a lab out of pearls and Hobbs casual-blazers by Jan Moir in order to offer a new Mail hate figure to the UK.

Whatever the true aim of the article, what has gotten my goat about it all is how some people have written off the whole backlash against Samantha Brick as simply ‘women being bitches’.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I know ‘bitch’.

I have laughed at dodge haircuts. I have pointed at bad shoes. I have called my sister’s engagement ring ‘sweet’.

Like I said, I know my ‘bitch’.

But me thinking that a person (who writes about how they cannot wait for old age to come and gobble them up into invisibility so they can at last gain some respite from the bottles of champers incessantly being sent to their table) IS A BIT OF A TIT, is not bitchiness.

In this case, it is good, solid fact.

Me thinking she’s a tit, is not me-as-a-woman, bitching about her because-she-is-another-woman.

Me thinking she’s a tit is me recognising that there are some people in the world who should think before they write articles in national newspapers where they come across as a BIT OF A TIT.

My distaste for her conceit and the resultant sympathy she bizarrely tries to elicit has nothing to do with both of us having ovaries and everything to do with her being a PERSON who is A TIT.

It isn’t hard to imagine that the reason she hasn’t ever been asked to be someone’s bridesmaid is nothing to do with the jealously and fear that she suggests her friends bitchily harbour against her, but rather because her friends, like 95% of everyone else, also think, that as an actual HUMAN, Samantha Brick is A BIT OF A TIT.

She is a woman yes. But first and foremost she is a tit. And this, THIS my friends is why she is being picked apart. So you can take your lazy dismissal of ‘bitchiness’ and shove them up your bum.

Unless of course you are so blinded by my own crippling beguiling cotequettishness that you fancy buying me my train ticket, cos if that’s the case you can call me what you want. Those travelcard badboys are priecccccey.

ps- sorry for the overuse of CAPS LOCK and the word ‘tit’.